The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
