God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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