all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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