Is it because I queefed?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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