I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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