More tranny stories later!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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