I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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