Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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