He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
