don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize