babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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