I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
