three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
