enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
