a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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