i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
