god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
