just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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