I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.