Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize