we made out on top of his cat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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