So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
