About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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