I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
