i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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