Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
