imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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