wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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