people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
