Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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