ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
