Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
