You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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