ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
