she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
