Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
