I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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