I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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