The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
