It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize