woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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