If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
