Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize