they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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