Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize