Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
