Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
