Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
