i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize