just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
