You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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