Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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