we're blogging at a bar
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
