He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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