They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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