a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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