I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
