I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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