just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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