btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
