I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
