Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
